And I know better…
We all have quirksfaultsfoibles that slow our pace towards whatever it is we’re headed.
Most of us, by the time we reach the relative age of maturity, have some idea of what those are. Some of us manage to course correct for those quirksfaultsfoibles and end up where we’re headed anyway.
Forgive the seeming interview speak:
One of my greatest weaknesses is that I’m not selfish enough.
Combine that with a decided lack of a Big Picture plan for my life in theatre and you will find that I have managed to get exactly nowhere.
And I did it again.
Over the past 6 weeks I have been locked in the process of show selection for the November slot we have reserved at the Dougherty Arts Center. This is for a project with my Not-My theatre company, and we had chosen to do a published work rather than new so we could focus on Production rather than development.
After plowing through a large number of scripts we finally have zeroed on one we’re pretty excited about (which I will talk much more about once we’ve actually secured the rights).
Except that: there’s nothing in it for me.
There isn’t a role for me, I’m not directing, and it’s already written.
I will end up as the TD, the LD, carrying a bunch of the production / promotion load, and when it comes off well the only people who will have any idea that I contributed will be the people already in the room. I don’t need to sell the people in the room. They know now.
And to move from this rut in my life, more people need to know what I can do.
Not to mention that to stave off burn out there needs to be a payoff. Some kind of payoff. The satisfaction of a job well done doesn’t refill the tank.
But at no point in the process was I smart enough to be selfish and insert myself into the selection criteria.
I’m an idiot.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!
I work with really great people. They would throw their weight behind a pet project of mine in a heartbeat. But remember the whole “no big picture plan” thing from a few paragraphs ago?
Yeah. I don’t have a pet project or dream role in mind, so there is no direct reimbursement to be had.
Oh the joyous 1-2 punch of my theatrical idiocy.
Don’t be me, and don’t be ashamed. Be selfish.
Be your own best advocate. No one is going to hand you anything